A Guide to Healthier Friendships
I am both amazed and not all at the same time. My reality is that everything happens in its due time and any energy I spend worrying about stuff, is a gaping waste of time better spent with my dog, my paints, or even napping.
This morning I woke up with the dreaded thought, “Blog today? Crap – I have no idea what to write.” This is a normal weekly occurrence, so I should know that an inspiration, a whisper of an idea will make itself known, and stressing just makes me crabby, unaligned, and miserable.
After mediation and frothing up my morning smoothie, I grabbed the latest issue of Spirituality & Health off my kitchen counter. I’d been meaning to skim through it for over two weeks, sometimes it does nothing for me and other times I find a gem.
Yep- today was a gem.
There on page 80, just waiting for me to find was an illustration by Meera Lee Patel, “A Guide to Healthier Friendships.” Her book My Friend Fear is sitting on my desk and I can see it now out of the corner of my eye. Yay- I’ve been inspired! I know you’ve always wanted to know how my creative process works. No voice from the heavens, no bright spotlight showing the way- just an openness and a prayer of ‘please, give me something to work with- thanks.’
There are three steps. Easy peasy, right? Three things you can do to have healthier friendships, because those relationships are your anchor- they keep you grounded when the winds and waves of life threaten to rip you off course.
As women we need connection to others. It’s how we grow, gain support, express our creativity, emerge as goddesses, and embrace our own vulnerabilities. Without friendships, life is isolating, and our spirits shrink and dim.
First, nourish and nurture your existing friendships to ensure they remain healthy and strong.
Make time. Make the effort. Make a connection.
Life can get hectic and, in our busyness, we forget to sustain ourselves through our most important resource- our friends. Either you’re so exhausted and the thought of going out seems more than you can handle; it’s at this point you need connection, to lift you up or to share your burden.
Each week schedule time with a different friend. I think you have two hours to spare somewhere, right? Get into each other’s faces, get personal. True friendship and connection are more than Facebook, Insta or texting. It’s soaking up each other’s presence, looking at the face you love and adore. An opportunity to use your intuition, and love to sustain the other person.
Second, plant seeds for the relationships you want to have.
I have a friend who’s a recent empty nester and she realized that at this point in her life, she has more time and energy and dammit- she wants to be more engaged and make some new friends. I love her approach. She’s signed up for classes through various outlets and tries to make new friends. Introducing herself, she says hello and then states, “I’m in the market for a new friend.”
OMG- it’s kindergarten all over again. Remember? You felt nervous and you really wanted a BFF because that’s just so cool to have a partner is crime, someone who thinks you’re the best, and who’ll choose you first for dodge ball even though you suck!
My friend’s planting the seeds. She’s putting herself out there- exposing her soft underbelly, her vulnerability. This is so dang courageous.
Let’s take this even deeper.
When you’re planting seeds be intentional.
Think about the type of friend you really want. Is she adventurous? Reflective and quiet? Fun and spirited? A fabulous listener? Whatever you want more of in your life, target that type of person. Set the intention that you’re seeking a friend that brings out and highlights these characteristics, someone that will help you grow.
And then get off your bum and go meet people. Take a class, join a group, attend a bible study, get invited along to an event with another friend and meet her peeps. You can’t plant seeds if you’re sitting on your couch, eating potato chips, and binge watching Netflix.
Third, cull unhealthy or toxic friendships.
One of my most popular blogs was called “Is she really your friend?” You know who she is- she popped into your head the moment you read this sentence. You’ve been holding onto this person through a sense of guilt. Either she’s been in your life for a long time, or she has no one else (wonder why?), or you inherited her through another friend.
Regardless, when you’re with her you feel toxic, negative, drained, judgmental, irritated, frustrated or ignored. It’s time to cut her loose. This friendship isn’t serving anyone and is detrimental to your body, mind and spirit. Don’t worry about her feelings- her emotions aren’t your responsibility, they’re hers.
By culling this person from your life, you benefit. You feel better-lighter and more energized. You’re no longer giving her precious time you could be spending on those who lift you up, and finally you can focus on either the friendships you have that need a little TLC or plant the seeds for a new friend, who will champion and celebrate you.
Friendship is an important thread in the tapestry of your life. Healthy, vibrant, and supportive connections make life feel richer and deeper. Focus your attention and intention on growing and nourishing your friends and you’ll be the one who benefits!
P.S. Know of someone struggling with her friendships? Share this blog or share this link on your social media