Six steps to making a positive change.
I was indulging in a rare cup of decaf coffee, complete with half and half, plus maple syrup. It’s called a Sleepy Bear Breve and the warmth was doing wonderful things to my insides. Focusing on the cup, I caught my breath and thought about the question my good friend had asked.
“How are you doing with Abbie away at college?”
If I’d been asked this question in October and not March, my answer would be different. Back then I felt bereft at not seeing her in her chair in the morning, my heart ached, and I’d catch myself misting up when I didn’t set her plate at the table. So many little things triggering me- a realization that our relationship had changed, the way life intended, but still I mourned the little girl with curls as I saw the young woman emerging.
But, months later, I was struck by the fact that I’d adjusted. Little by little, without realizing it, my world has shifted, and I had accepted the change.
Funny isn’t it how we become accustomed to and accept things into our life?
Gradually, and sometimes without our permission, our lives morph. Many times, the change is normal and healthy such as when your child leaves for college, but what about when those times when your acceptance of the life your living is unhealthy?
You’re in a relationship where indifference is the foundation and your left with feeling of worthlessness.
Each day as you head to work, your gut sinks and you feel sick.
You dread being in the same room with your in-laws because they find fault with everything you do.
Accepting a life filled with tension, anxiety or stress can happen virtually overnight. What first starts out as an irritation, grows and takes root. The next thing you know you’ve accepted the indifference, the criticism, and the dread as a normal part of your life. You can barely recall when those feelings weren’t part of your existence.
This is not acceptable.
You deserve more.
And here’s the kicker. If you don’t make a change, these emotions will eat away at you from the inside, manifesting into migraines, ulcers, heart disease, and more. I know because all three examples above are mine. And I suffered for years with chronic illness, then I made a change, and haven’t been sick since.
There are six steps making a shift happen.
One. Recognize what isn’t going right. Name the thing that isn’t working, call it out of the closet and bring it into the light.
Two. Be with the feelings. Own your emotions and don’t try to tamp them down. If you feel sad, be sad. Angry, be angry. Frustrated, be frustrated. Honor yourself by just being with the emotion.
Three. Take an honest look at the root cause of WHY you’re feeling a certain way – get real. This is the scary part, no one likes to look under the hood of their emotions to see the grit and the grime, but how else to you figure out the problem.
Four. Don’t judge yourself. Practice self compassion. Realize that you’re doing the best you can and now that you’re aware, you can make a change. Don’t over analyze your past, accept that all you’ve done has prepared you for what lies ahead.
Five. Nourish yourself. Give yourself some credit and recognize that by making a change you’re recognizing your self worth. Place your hand on your heart and say, “It’s okay, I’m here for you.” Shower yourself with some tender loving, nurture your body, feel your soul.
Six. The most important step- LET IT GO. Turn your desire for a change over to your higher power. You don’t have to DO anything. Just your desire to make a change is enough and by trusting in your higher power, you allow the heavy lifting to happen. Doors will open and miracles will appear.
Making a change is the single most loving thing you’ll ever do for you. It takes strength and courage to shuck your old life, to say I’m worth more than this, and to act. But what’s waiting for you on the other side takes your breath away.
Trust in yourself and have Faith that you’re being led in the direction that’s for your highest good. Start with Step One and just begin.