Redefining selfish - why it's a good thing

“It’s okay to be selfish.”  I said these words with conviction to a group of women who were attending a workshop I was teaching.  I wanted them to know that they’re worthy of attention, love, and being cherished.

When the woman at the other end of the conference table nodded emphatically and said “Yes!”  I was thrilled!  I wanted to give her a fist bump or high five but thought that may be a bit much.  But I welcomed her conviction and endorsement.

Why does the word selfish get such a bum rap?

Why is it undesirable or even considered a bit ugly to think about yourself? Your feelings, wants, and desires?  How else are you going to know what you really want your life to be?

I’ve redefined selfish.

SELF-I.S.H. = Self- Inspired Soul Healing

Don’t you love it? 

When you’re being selfish, you’re focusing on what’s best for your own healing, what lifts your soul, what connects you to this world, what feeds your authenticity.  Being selfish doesn’t make you a narcissist but allows you to show up in the world stronger.

It’s impossible to nourish and nurture others when you’re depleted.

When you’ve put everyone’s needs before your own, you end up empty.  Life’s about balance and when you’re always giving and never receiving- you hit the TILT button.  Resentment takes root, you feel isolated, and maybe a bit angry.

Depending on others to meet your own needs never ends well.  Simply because no one knows you as well as you.  You’re the best source to fill yourself back up, by being selfish and putting time, and attention on your own needs, wants, and desires.

Being selfish is a gift you give yourself- so unwrap it with reverence and joy.

First lavish yourself with some mighty powerful self care. Love yourself like it’s your job!  Once you’ve filled up your own cup, you can be there for others, with what is running over.

Engage in what lights up your body, mind, and soul.

Nurture you.

Treat yourself everyday to at least one thing that makes you feel special and cherished.  Take a bath with your favorite luscious bubbles, walk with friends or grab Fluff’s leash for an outing, cozy up under a favorite blanket and pop open that mystery you’ve been dying to read.  Commit to one loving, selfish act a day and you’ll see a shift in your relationships.  They’ll be more open and loving, because as you care more for you- you’ll have more time and energy for the ones you love.

Next establish some healthy boundaries.  It’s time to stop being a doormat.  Being selfish means that you stop letting others control your decisions, energy, time, and resources.

It’s okay to reach your limit and step away. 

We can’t change other people, especially those close to us.  Nor should we enable them, by not letting them care for themselves.  What we can change is how we respond to the way we’re being treated- we can elect to set boundaries by respecting ourselves and being selfish about what’s acceptable to us.

If every time your sister calls, she complains incessantly about her job, husband, kids, and her health – it’s reasonable to set a limit. If her negativity is bringing you down or you’re uncomfortable with her constant judgments, either give her 5 minutes to vent and then shift the conversation or commit to yourself that you’ll get off the phone with her after 5 minutes. 

Recognize that it’s okay to be there for people- up to a certain point.  Then acknowledge that you’ve done all your willing to do and leave it at that.  You can’t be everything to everyone. 

Finally, being selfish means, you grant yourself some grace.  You stop beating yourself up for not being perfect, for making mistakes, for all the should haves that litter the highway of your life path. 

Accepting who you are, as you are. is the ultimate selfish action.

It’s a beautiful gift you give yourself and it accelerates your self inspired soul healing.  By acknowledging that you are always doing the best you can in the moment, you let go of expectations and unrealistic outcomes.  This in turn makes you more open to the possibilities, and for the Universe to surprise you in a wonderful and unexpected ways.

Plus, when you accept yourself as you are, you show the way for others to do the same. Your selfishness gently turns into selflessness.  A gift you give the world.

Next time when someone accuses you of being selfish, simply shout “hell yeah!” and give them that fist bump!  Let them figure out why your grinning.