Do you have that one "go to" friend?

Uff!  She weighs a ton. 

How can she be so heavy!

These were my first thoughts upon waking and before you think I’m being a tad judgmental; the thought wasn’t directed to any one in my orbit, nor any person.

Seriously, how does she make herself so hefty?  I can’t even feel my legs anymore.

My sweet mini labradoodle Perri was in full on lean mode.  Every pet owner knows what it’s  like- your snuggling bundle of fur suddenly becomes a heavyweight, as she melts into you. 

How does she do this?  I really want to know.  How does she become boneless, a virtual puddle?  She has this instinctual trust that if she leans completely into me, I will support her. 

I’m in total envy of my dog.

As I lay snuggled between my soft, purple sheets all drowsy and cozy, all I can think about is how I can’t recall ever being that trusting or supported.  Even when I’m in the middle of a massage, the therapist harangues me and tells me to just let go.

Are you like me?  Do you hold yourself together so tightly that even in bed or the massage table your more like a brick than a puddle?

I’ve been so fiercely independent for over 30 years that it’s ingrained into my DNA.  The ‘I can do it alone’ mentality has seen me through major illness, financial distress, and the collapse of my marriage.  It’s a striving to prove that I can survive and come out of top- show the world I’m made of the sternest stuff- I am titanium baby!

All this surviving is exhausting, because what I truly want is to thrive.

Thriving only comes through surrender, by letting others support you.  Asking for help is a daily struggle for me- one of the life lessons I’m here to learn.  What’s funny about this lesson is that I struggle against it, when it’s been proven to me time and again that if I let the Universe and others support me- I thrive.  My stress levels plummet and I feel more secure and at ease in my life.  Yet I continue to resist, it’s like banging your head against a wall expecting not to get a headache.

So, I’ve decided to take a lesson from my dog.

She has that one “go to” person whom she can trust and lean on.  Perri doesn’t have to pretend not to be someone else, she asks for what she needs, and she’s abundantly grateful for all the care she receives.  Perri’s willing to expose her soft belly believing that she will be rewarded with a lovely scratch.

So different from my experience.  Showing my soft belly or vulnerabilities doesn’t come naturally.  I fight against it like a prizefighter, but the stillness within me is asking “what if?”

Still in the cocoon of my bed, I decide to list all the people who meet Perri’s standard:

(1) If I need to be loved and I reach out a paw and tap them- will they respond with a hug?

(2) If I’m feeling small and vulnerable in life’s dog park, will they scoop me up from the danger?

(3) If I need shelter from one of life’s storms will they let me in, towel me off, and tell me it will soon pass, and life will be okay?

(4) Can I lean into them with my whole being knowing I’ll be welcome and loved?

(5) If I expose my most vulnerable part, will they cherish it as a gift and respond with loving kindness?

With a jolt, I realize that I have numerous people that check all the boxes.  I knew this on some level, but actively thinking about this brings a sense of security and peace.  The option’s there to be the puddle and not the brick, the choice is mine.

This sense of isolation is prevalent in our world.  Connection doesn’t happen through social media in fact in many instances it drives us further apart.  All the support that pours through your Facebook Page is temporary, fleeting and can make you feel even more alone in the world when the Likes dry up.

I encourage you to find one person who you can lean on.  Go through Perri’s checklist and identify someone in your life who you can be heavy with, authentic, and vulnerable.  Surrender can be scary, but you’re not meant to do life’s heavy lifting alone- that’s why the Universe created more than one human.

Thanks Universe, I’m so grateful I do my best thinking in bed.

Thanks, Perri, for the lesson on thriving in this world.

Thank you, for taking the time to read this blog.  Now go thrive!