To judge or not to judge? Is this really a question?

Flying bowling balls.

I had been retelling my story, which include a bit of hyperbole interlaced with more than its fair share of truth. My mentor, laughing said,” yep- they always remind me of flying bowling balls.” Accurate and descriptive.

The day before I had been driving along, admiring the vibrant fall colors the trees were showing off, when I saw a group of gobblers by the side of the road. Turkeys always make me smile because they represent abundance, gratitude, and a connection to the Earth.

As I grinned, whisper a prayer of thanks for the siting, the lead one takes off. As in flies- right in front my car- and the other eight join him. It’s like a weird turkey suicide pack, because I was the only one on the road and if they had waited thirty seconds, it would have been an easy stroll across an empty rural road.

But no, they decide, let’s go now!

I slow my car, hoping and praying they all make it. Wishing with every breath that the turkeys, get just a bit more loft, but alas, they’re like flying bowling ball.
As the last one wobbles (as he gobbles?) through the air, ungainly and barely clearing my car’s hood. He and my windshield meet. Thump! He spins in the air like an out of control Thanksgiving Day balloon and miraculous lands on the other side.

The breath I’d been holding releases in a whoosh. I’m safe- the windshield intact. My stomach’s in my throat and I feel queasy. Should I check on him? Is he okay? OMG- what if I hurt him? What possessed a group of turkeys to fly anyway?

All this energy and worry about a turkey.

Throughout the day I keep thinking about him and it’s not just turkeys. I’m always cheering the squirrels on, telling them to tuck their tails and just decide which way to go as they hover in the middle of the road. I call out the frogs as I’m mowing the lawn, not wanting to inadvertently create any frog legs for Perri, my labradoodle to find-yuck!

As I obsessed over the turkey, I had the most distressing thought.

Why do I (and most of us) feel so badly when I hit a squirrel, turtle, or turkey, but have little remorse when I judge, gossip, or indulge in other bad behaviors? I fret over nature, but my fellow humans don’t always make my radar?

Is it because my judgement’s such second nature that when I’m doing it, I don’t even realize it?

Judgement separates us – one from another.

Through judgement we’re creating a distance, a distinction, an excuse not to engage or be vulnerable. It’s a protection of our ego and in some case our hearts. To be open and raw, allows space for others to judge us and no one likes to be found lacking in any way.

Judgement’s a hard habit to break and one that I’ve been ignoring. But when you shove something into the corner, cover it with old magazines, and then walk in a big arc around it- it grows.

Judgement feels like an old well worn cardigan, cozy even though there’s holes in the elbows and it’s fraying at the hem. You don’t want to part with it, but you know you should throw it out.

So how do you release judgement?

By making the choice to do so and making that choice over and over again- day in and day out.

First recognize your own patterns. Awareness is key. Does a certain person release your inner judge and jury? Become aware of your triggers, know what circumstances cause you to revert to being judgy. If you’re going into a party where you just know she will be there and you’re already beginning a list of her issues and faults in your head before you even see her- stop- take a breath- set the intention to see her as a person, not a nemesis, tramp, know-it-all, two faced brown noser,…

Second, forgive yourself for judging.

Don’t beat yourself up and bemoan how you’re a terrible person and why can’t you just let this go. We’re all human and our thoughts can run away like a freight train before we’re even aware of them. Show yourself compassion. Simply acknowledge that you made a judgement and forgive yourself the thought.

Choose a different thought…any thought that’s based in generosity, love, compassion or even curiosity. Choose to learn more about the person or situation and you may discover the why behind her behavior or even your reaction to it.

A bit of ugly truth.

When someone bugs the snot out of you – they acting as a mirror for you. What really bothers you about them, may be an aspect of yourself that really bugs you about you. Something your soul is trying to tell you or a change you need to make in your own life. Ouch! But, be thankful for the mirror. It’s an opportunity to grow and discover different parts of you.

You aren’t your judgement.

You can choose to release them through your intention and by following the steps above. This is a lifelong practice, but over time you’ll become keenly aware when you’re judging and can shift to a more loving approach. As you do so, you’ll notice a shift in your own attitude and in the people who show up in your life.

All these thoughts because of a bunch of wobbling gobblers. Perhaps the turkeys were a mirror for me- a cautionary tale to look before I leap or perhaps to put my faith in others and trust that they won’t intentionally hurt me as I cross the roads in life.


P.S. Share this blog! We all need a gentle reminder that we're human and that judgement separates us, but we can choose to be connected. Share from a place of love and it'll be received that way :)