Why "I'm Busy" is a cop out.
The worst excuse ever? Two little words. When uttered they convey a myriad of messages: I’m more important than you: My time is more valuable: Your issue isn’t my problem: I don’t want to deal with it right now.
I’m busy.
Seriously? Who doesn’t have a to-do list longer than their right arm? It’s the nature of the world we live in that we’re constantly battling conflicting deadlines, multiple schedules and demands, both reasonable and not.
Busyness is an excuse, not a state of being.
It keeps us small, because the truth is if we wanted to do something, if it was important, we’d find the time. Busyness is a convenient way to not engage with others or even our own lives.
Busyness is an illusion.
Yes, there are days when we’re involved in one activity after another, however most days we have time. It’s what we do with that time that can confound us.
Some people aren’t comfortable being unengaged. They need social media, television, or other media to fill them. Others are addicted to feeling stress or running behind, it gives them a sense of meaning or purpose. Just being present with themselves is tough to handle. It’s uncomfortable, like jeans that are too tight in the crotch.
When some one asks what we’ve been up to there’s this compulsive need to purge a mile-long list to make ourselves feel important or to demonstrate through all our many involvements that we’re living a productive and meaningful life. We’re showing off our busyness as a badge of honor and challenging others to “top this.”
The question is this, does your busyness make your feel alive and fulfilled? Or does it make you feel drained and dissatisfied? There’s a big difference between accomplishments and being busy. When we identify a goal, work towards and achieve it that’s an accomplishment. When we fill every moment of our day with activities that don’t have meaning, that’s busyness.
Busyness addiction can be kicked.
It’s not terminal, but it could steal moments from your life if left unchecked.
How can we toss busyness to the curb and regain balance in our lives?
Say no like a boss.
One of the traps we fall into is saying yes to everything just because we’re asked. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, there’s no one else who steps forward, or conflict avoidance is in our DNA. We all get sucked in at some point. The key is to learn to say no like a boss. This doesn’t mean you have to be rude, or short with your answer. It means when you say no your intent is clear. Practice makes it easier. If you know you’re about to be tapped for chairing a committee, write down 3 ways to say no and practice your pick out loud. You can always buy time when asked by saying, “Thanks for thinking of me. I’ll get back to you by a certain date.”
Figure out what you value.
Saying no becomes easier when we know what’s important to us, what we value. If having dinner as a family means the world to you, then saying no when asked to work late is easily justified. I guard my time with my family like it’s the crown jewels. Every decision I make is weighed against what I value, it makes decision making a breeze. When I feel conflicted, I ask myself how the request for my time connects me deeper to something I value. If there’s no reward, I simply pass.
Catch yourself falling into old patterns.
Any change requires commitment, effort and practice. Awareness of your own thought patterns is a vital part of the transformation. Self judgement, however, is not. When you find yourself saying yes to people or activities you really want to say no to, recognize that you have a choice and don’t beat yourself up if you’ve made a mistake. Reflect on why you’re sucked back into yes mode and commit to saying no the next time.
It’s okay to be busy, when you’re truly busy.
Life has a way of taking us on a ride. Some days are hectic, filled with one task, job or appointment after another. If you find yourself on overload and have dumped off those projects that aren’t critical, it’s okay to take a breath and say “Sorry, I wish I could help, but today’s schedule is overloaded. Catch me next time okay?”
Our time is ours to spend as we choose.
If we give it away to the annoying little things, to soul sucking time killers, or spend it with people who drain us, we’re throwing away the opportunity to feel happiness, connection and peace. Busyness is not fulfillment. It’s like a buzzing gnat that distracts us from what’s important in our lives; making us lose focus. Busyness is an excuse to not fully engage in the present.
Each time you catch yourself saying “I’m busy”, pause and think. What are you avoiding, what are you purposely reflecting back to make yourself feel comfortable and safe? Don’t let life drift without participating to the fullest. Choose to be alive by focusing on your values, practice non-judgment, be aware of what you’re gaining or giving up with each choice. You’re a smart cookie. Trust yourself and you’ll find yourself accomplished, not busy.