Is she really your friend?
You’re sitting in your favorite restaurant, practically squirming with excitement, the positive energy flowing out of you in waves so thick you can practically see it.
This is your moment, your day, your year.
Across from you is your friend.
You’re on fire, because today you realized your big dream -the one you’ve worked your fanny off for. The taste is so sweet you’re practically drooling as you tell her all about. Then you pause for a breath and she says, “I don’t see what the big deal is. Anyone can do that.”
Instantly your bubble deflates taking with it your joy, your ecstasy. You feel flat, defeated, and more than a little pissed.
She’s robbed you of your moment, your day, your year.
You wonder, “how can my friend say such a thing?”
Well, here’s the thing- your FRIEND wouldn’t.
Has this happened to you? Do you find yourself surrounded by negative nellies that are constantly bring you down? Do you call these people your friends? It’s time to look at how you define friendship and get some new peeps, posse, tribe.
True friends build you up.
They celebrate your success.
They squeal with delight when good stuff happens to you.
They hold you up with their kindness and compassion when bad stuff shows up for you.
They don’t compete and they don’t compare.
If your friendships are leaving you exhausted and you find yourself avoiding certain so called friends, the time has come to make a shift.
It’ll be both joyful and hard. Joyful because you get to create and choose new people to fill your world with and hard because you’ll be letting go of certain people from your life.
In this world we attract more of what we are. So, before you even begin the shift, take a good look at how you treat your friends. Ask yourself the following questions:
· What kind of friend am I?
· What are my strengths as a friend? What are my weaknesses?
· How do I show up for other people? How do I show up for myself?
Once you have a handle of your own friendship vibe, make any changes that are needed. If you’re demanding and needy- try to go with the flow more. Celebrate your friend’s success instead of getting jealous and petty. Be the type of friend you want to be.
Next make a list of attributes you want in your friends. Are they kind, sassy, adventuresome, quirky, a great listener, studious, steadfast? Think of as many qualities as possible and write them down on a list. You’ll recognize new friends because they’ll have those qualities.
Don’t be afraid to try people on for size. It isn’t a one size fits all world. Go out for a cup of coffee to see if you click. If not, no big deal- don’t spend your time with people who don’t fill you up with lightness. Making new friends can be scary and something you may not have done in a long time. Just remember a few rules:
1. Be yourself- start out authentic and stay that way. Never change who you are to meet someone else’s expectations.
2. Listen to your intuition- if something feels off with a person in your life it’s time to move them out of it. Don’t feel guilty. You only have so much time on this big, beautiful orb, so choose wisely who you want to spend it with.
3. Friends champion one another. They build up, not tear down. You’re precious and important and you need to be with people who recognize that.
4. It may take time to build a new posse, but it’s worth the time and energy. Friendships need to be nurtured to grow-go on adventures, be vulnerable, ask for help, spend time together in ways make you feel connected.
5. As you become a better friend, you’ll attract better friends. It’s the law of the Universe. Relish it and find that tribe you’ve always wanted.
It’s the people in the world that bring the riches to your life. Connections are important to your health, happiness, and wellbeing. Make them positive, life affirming, genuine, and freaking awesome. The choice is yours- choose wisely.