Every time you utter these three words, you’re telling the world that you don’t matter.

That they’re wasting time on you.

That your wants, desires, and dreams are unimportant.

It’s self sabotage and it’s time to put a stop to it.

Picture yourself at your favorite coffee house.  You’re in line, waiting for your friend, who suddenly bustles in and begins to chat about her boss’s ability to drive her nuts.  You order your mocha (yes, whip- otherwise it’s just a travesty) listening to her rant and quick as a bunny she’s paid for your drink.

Pleased and a bit flabbergasted you say, ”You shouldn’t have.”

Those three words. YOU. SHOULDN’T. HAVE.

Why the hell not?

Aren’t you worth all that wonderful, warm, chocolaty goodness?

Why would you tell someone that you’re not?  

You shouldn’t have tells people you don’t think you’re worth their time, energy, attention, or a $5.50 hot drink.  Bull crap.

You may think you’re being gracious or humble or kind, by acknowledging their generosity in this way, but you’re really telling them the opposite.  Plus, these three words make everyone uncomfortable.  The person feels their generosity isn’t being received from a place of pure gratitude and they may even have a moment of doubt about their action.

The alternative to you shouldn’t have is simple.  It’s thank you. Said with sincerity and an open heart.  You’re being given a gift, don’t discount it or yourself, but instead welcome it from a place of love.

It’s a subtle shift, but one that can make a huge impact in your life.

I’m not saying you should run around saying and thinking -well, they should’ve.  Because that energy’s just as disruptive and reeks a bit of entitlement.  However, when faced with the generosity of others be a willing and thankful receiver.  This opens up your energy to receiving more.  You signal the Universe that you’re willing to be supported from a number of different sources.

And as a bonus, you begin to believe more in your own worth.  By allowing others to recognize how incredibly fabulous you are, you give yourself permission to believe it too.  We all judge ourselves against a measuring stick no one could ever live up to, but by accepting love and generosity from others our own self image becomes clear and not a mirage.

So, stop the madness and be the best receiver you can be.  Start with the words thank you and nothing more when:

·         You’re paid a compliment on the boho earrings you picked up a flea market

·         Someone holds the door as your run through the driving rain into the bank

·         Your boss congratulates you on the creative solution to the client problem

·         A friend picks up the check after brunch on a sunny Saturday

·         When you drop your bag and all you mints, pens, and coins scatter across the floor and a mom with three kids has them collect all your stuff

Make the commitment to yourself.  Eradicate the words you shouldn’t have from your vocabulary.  Allow yourself to receive and allow others to be generous.  Everyone wins.  Everyone feels good.  Everyone’s self esteem gets a boost.

Go ahead and bask in your magnificence, because this you really should do.