Quit suffering from the disease to please
The Disease to Please.
It’s a plague.
A sickness that takes over your life like an alien invasion, wreaking havoc and chaos.
An illness that systematically robs you of opportunity.
It’s curable.
As I listened to these words conveyed with such intensity by the fabulous Ms. Oprah Winfrey, they resonated deeply within me. I was sitting in the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota with 15,000 other people absorbed by her energy, her presence, and just her very being. (Yep- huge fan girl here)
The Disease to Please.
Maybe you’re a victim too? Its tentacles grasping at your values, boundaries, and authenticity? Trying to keep you stuck in place, where everyone else’s needs overshadow your own until you end up living a life where your wants, desires and dreams are just wisps of memory?
I was raised to be a nice girl. To think of others first, to always be helpful, and to never “hurt anyone’s feelings.” Saying no was discouraged, because you “should try to make it work.” Helping others and putting them first was supposed to be selfless and if you didn’t you were selfish.
But the cost of the Disease to Please is huge.
You lose yourself.
When everyone else’s concerns, pleasures, wants and needs are your focus, the price is your pleasures, needs, and wants. All that energy spent on pleasing other people leaves you depleted, exhausted and resentful.
Ms. O reminded me that I should fill up my cup first and when it’s overflowing, then I have the resources to help others. With strength, confidence and renewed energy I can then make a difference in the world.
The first step in the cure is to make yourself a priority. Self care is soul care. Get the rest you need, pamper yourself with your favorites, nurture your mind, body and spirit every day. You matter. The exhausted, disgruntled, crabby pants you helps no one. Every one loses.
Second figure out what’s important to you, what represents your truth, your intention for life. Make every decision about your truth and learn to say no. Set the boundaries and stick to them.
This is my downfall; I tend to let other people suck me back in. It’s seems easier to just say yes- there’s less drama- I won’t hurt some one’s feelings – I won’t get those butterflies in my stomach. The other thing I don’t get? My self respect and self worth. Seems a high cost to pay for constantly saying yes.
Your job and mine isn’t to make everyone’s life’s easier. We can’t. Each person needs to be able to navigate their own path through life. Will they try to use your good nature as a short cut to doing the heavy lifting themselves? Of course. Your job is to look out for you, because no one else’s going to do it for you.
It’s funny how the Universe works. As I listened to Oprah talk about her own experience saying no to Stevie Wonder, I made a commitment to do a better job of honoring myself and respecting my own values and boundaries. Three days later, I had the chance. There’s a past relationship where I typically revert to caretaker mode, always making things easier for the other person so the boat doesn’t rock crazily and capsize. This time, I simply stated my truth, didn’t compromise or over explain.
The miracle?
There was simple acceptance and no drama. It was hard, but I decided that I don’t need to enable any more. Granted I was a hot mess afterward for a few minutes, but then I remembered I’m important and I matter.
The Disease to Please is an epidemic. If you have it- you know it. It’s time to acknowledge your worth and start setting those healthy boundaries. You can decide:
“Is it one day or day one?”- Oprah
In Love & Light,
Kirstin
P.S. Seeing Oprah was a bucket list item for me and I'm still on a vibrational high! Way too amazing for words! Love her to pieces!!
P.S.S. If you're struggling with the Disease to Please then I encourage you to practice a little self care for the soul. Check out my new journal, it'll guide you to greater self awareness and acceptance helping you make the changes you've always wanted. Click here to learn more.