Embracing that sucky feeling

I was muttering again.

As I steadily mowed my lawn, I felt myself stuck in a loop.  One that continued to cycle over and over as the green stripes appeared in my lawn.  I was taking too much pleasure in cutting off the heads of the dandelions.

I was disgusted with myself, because I know better.

It was Mother’s Day and I let my expectations for the day set up an unrealistic outcome.

All I wanted was a card, maybe an actual gift and hugs freely given, minus the eye roll.  It wasn’t too much to ask or even hope for, was it?  I wanted to be shown I was appreciated, valued and may be the World’s #1 Mom. I missed the days of glitter cards and handmade clay figurines who could be an owl or a dog.
I’ve been here before and I’ve always tried to leave as quick as possible.

It’s the land of “FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.”

Have you ever visited- maybe you have a cot in the back room?

Usually I try to jolly myself out of ‘this life is sucky’ place, but as I mowed my lawn, I decided to stop and stay for a while.  I gave myself permission to wallow.  I gave it to the pity party and since it was my party – I cried because I wanted to.

There’s a trick to being in that sucky place. 

It’s okay to visit, but not to set up camp, plug into the electrical, and spend your life there.  That feeling of self pity’s a reminder- that you have value- and dang gum it- you want your value to be recognized.

Its about being connected, being loved, being appreciated and just being.

Truthfully, your value’s intrinsic and you’re worthy of all the great stuff you want.  But on occasion we all wander into the murky woods of feeling sorry for ourselves.  When this happens what we’re truly craving is connection and a deeper understanding- a recognition that we’re human.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a lonely place.  No one wants to hear your complaints and you feel a bit isolated.  As I mumbled behind my lawn mower, I decided that I’d indulge myself for the hour it takes to get my yard ship shape and then I’d move on.

Trudging along, I cried, mutter, ranted (sometimes out loud) and fully embraced my sucky-ness, welcoming my feelings with a warm embrace. Come to mama you bits of frustrated snot.

I gave into everything I was feeling.  And as I mowed along, the energy of my feelings shifted.  By not shutting down my pity party, I allowed my feeling to transform from irritation and crabbiness to acceptance.

Here’s the deal. 

I KNOW my daughters love me.  Let’s face it, they’re teenagers and may be a wee bit self absorbed.  Everyday I receive their love through hugs (sans eye roll), help when asked, and just their overall kindness. 

I let my own feelings of inadequacy or even competition get in the way. 

I generated my crabbiness by not accepting my daughters for who they are and by not focusing on the positive aspects of our relationship.  My sucky mood was of my own creating, which means I could also change my mood.

When I reached acceptance, I knew I’d closed the door on the land of feeling sorry for me.  That’s the beauty of owning your feelings and not trying to tamp them down. 

By simply acknowledging what your feeling and allowing yourself the time to explore the feelings, you transmute them.  They change.  It’s when you ignore your feelings, that trouble starts, resentments build, and emotional volcanoes can erupt.

So next time your feeling sorry for yourself- go with the feeling. 

Embrace the sucky-ness.  Give yourself permission to indulge in it…for a set period of time. You’ll realize that those feeling are just temporary and by giving them a little attention- they’ll decide to leave on their own.


P.S.  It's time to let others know that sucky-ness happens and it's okay to welcome it with a warm hug.  Share this blog with a friend who's having a terrible, horrible, no good day!