She looked like a mini Michelin man. 

My sweet girl, Amanda, was dressed from head to toe, ready to conquer the latest snow fall.  We had struggled her into snow pants, made sure her socks didn’t come off in her boots (hate that feeling), pulled on her pretty, girly pink coat, and plopped on her hat with the sassy pompom. 

“Mama?” she said as I got her mittens ready.

‘Oh please no…don’t let her have to pee’ ran through my mind as I gazed at her little body which was stiff from all her winter wear.

I bent down on my knees, looked into her aquamarine eyes, and asked with trepidation, “Yes, Nana?”

With all the seriousness a three year old can manage, she put her sweet little hands on my face and said, “can I get gloves instead of mittens?”

My first thought was relief that I didn’t need to peel off all the layers.  Amanda’s mind always comes up with interesting reasons, such as her refusal to sit with Santa – “why would I want to sit on a strange man’s lap?”   She’s got me there!

So intrigued, I asked “Why do you want gloves instead of mittens?”

Her answer given with an air of authority and right on her side, “Because sometimes my fingers just want to be alone.”

Well…what do you say to that?

My first though was “God, I know how they feel.” 

It’s so easy to get lost in the roles you play each and every day.  It’s as if everyone else’s needs come first and you don’t even have time to breathe.  At that time, I was balancing being a mom to two little girls, a wife handling a bustling household, running a six figure company with employees, and training a new puppy. Chaos was too mild a word to describe my life.

Alone sounded magnificent, wondrous, sublime. 

Even the dog followed me into the bathroom- I think it was five years before I could just “be a big girl” and use the bathroom ALONE. The bliss of it.

The nugget of wisdom that I gained from my wise three year old is that we all need moments to separate ourselves from the group.  Whether this is to recharge our energy, hear our own thoughts, or not throttle the next person who needs something from you.

Time for yourself is what allows you to be available for others.  In a whole hearted versus half assed way.  A depleted you is no good to anyone and chances are you’ll feel resentful, crabby, frustrated, taken advantage of if you don’t take the time to nourish yourself, by being alone.

I’m not talking about the occasional vacation or the 10 minutes before you drop off exhausted to sleep each night.  Self care needs to be an on-going maintenance issue.  You’re a flashy red Ferrari, so don’t treat yourself like the old Junker. 

Find 30 minutes each day that is yours alone. It may seem impossible at first, but you can weed out some unproductive time (mindless TV, scrolling Social Media, watching YouTube) and replace it with an activity that nourishes your body, mind and spirit.

Some ideas include reading, napping, taking a walk, coloring, gardening, taking a bath (be sure to lock the door!), cooking, talking with a good friend, listening to an inspirational podcast, savoring a cup of tea, whatever makes you feel lighter and more like you again.

Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about your personal timeouts.  You deserve to lavish love on yourself.  If you get push back from your family, let them know your mini breaks makes you an even better parent, spouse, sibling, or child.

Mittens or gloves?  I see the beauty in both- part of a collective or freedom of movement.  There’s no one stopping you from owning both!