As women, we're givers.  We give of our time, our energy and our money.  We're taught to be generous, kind and compassionate.  All fabulous attributes, when our own good is part of the equation.  It's when we're constantly putting ourselves last, choosing strangers over family, or wishing that "no" was a part of of vocabulary that we get stuck.

Are you a people pleaser?  Not sure?  Here are a few of traits of the chronic people please:

You constantly get sucked into every volunteer activity at your kids school.

You work late, even after everyone else on the project team has headed home, just because your boss had "one last item."

You've hosted Thanksgiving dinner for the family for the last five or more years, because no one else will step up.

You say yes to every invitation for coffee, drinks, lunch with friends even though you'd rather be home drinking tea with a good book.

Any of these sound familiar?  If yes, then it's time to make a change.  The real price of being a people pleaser is your time, your money, and your energy.  When you so readily give of everything you have to others without discernment- you're stealing from yourself!

Your time is limited.  Are you spending it in ways that lift you up and fill you with joy?  Every time you commit an hour to activity that sucks the life out of you, (school carnival? can you say duck pond?) it's an hour you can't get back. 

I'm not saying you need to stop volunteering or serving your community.  Just be sure that the cause is aligned with your values and brings you a sense of joy.  Weigh it against the other options for your time.  Do you derive more pleasure from watching your child play soccer or coaching the team?

Ugghh... the guilt, right?  Please stop right there if you think making a choice aligned with you is selfish.  It's worse to commit to something and not bring your best self to the table.  Concerned no one else will do it?  You're right- if you do it then there isn't an opportunity for someone else to step into a role that may fulfill them.  Give yourself some breathing room and time for reflection.  When asked to do something, simply say " I need to think it over and I'll get back to you." 

How you spend your money should reflect your values.  Going out 5 nights a week with people who don't know your favorite color?  You're throwing your money away.  Been friends since high school, but have nothing in common?  You new friend is a whiner and sucks your positivity? 

Learning boundaries actually helps you manage your financial riches.  When you spend money on a trip with that core group of friends that make you feel happy and relaxed, your getting a greater value for your dollar.

Perhaps selecting the right recipes and cooking a fabulous meal makes you feel abundant.  Switch your nights out for nights in, with people you love and cherish. 

Asking ourselves the question "Would I choose this activity if I wasn't asked?"  is a powerful way to see if our money is aligned with our values.  Remember, you have a choice in both who you spend time with and whether you want to spend money.  Considering whether you like the person or the activity is a good starting point. 

Choose what makes YOU feel good.  Worried you'll hurt someone's feeling?  Stay honest.  It's perfectly okay to say "Thanks for thinking of me, but I have other plans."  Even if your other plans involve your jammies, netflix and hot chocolate.

Protecting your energy is important.   We've hit on boundaries a little bit.  This is HUGE.  When we give of ourselves to the point of depletion, we can't serve anyone effectively.  Our family suffers, our work suffers, and we suffer- both emotionally and physically.  The feeling of overwhelm just takes over and it's a struggle to get anything done.

Our choices need to be based on what feels good for us.  If staying late to work leaves you feeling guilty about missing out on family time,  then it's time to re-evaluate your boundaries especially if you consistently give into the same situation again and again.  Guilt is the lowest vibration.  When we're operating from this vibrational point we start attracting unhappiness, negativity, shame, and doubt into our world.  We begin a downward spiral and it's not a pretty place to be.

When we give our positive energy and receive lower energies, it's time for a change.  The price to us is great- this effects our well being and health.  

Not sure how to get out of this place?  The first step is to acknowledge what isn't working for you.  Next envision what it would feel like to be out of the situation.  Finally, release the outcome and let the Universe take over.  Use this simple prayer"Thank you for revealing to me the next steps in my journey toward..."  

Now that you know how high the price is for being a people pleaser, I encourage you to break the habit.  Start small.  Next time you're asked to commit your time, money or energy, allow yourself to take the time to pause and reflect on whether what you're about to say yes to makes you feel really good, aligned with your values.

P.S.  Know someone who suffers from the people pleaser disease?  Share this post with them.  I'd love to hear how you honored your boundaries and cut back on being all thing to all people.  Share your win in the comments below!

Originally Published 05-03-2018