I've been working on a number of emotional and energetic blocks these past few months, but never did I imagine I would post a video of myself, on my Kismet Facebook Page, blubbering.  Not the pretty little cry with a tear gently rolling down my cheek.  Nope- the red eyes, blotchy cheeks and slight snotty nose version. 

Looking at my raw emotion, you would never guess that I felt such relief and joy.  After 10 years, I did it!  I finally released an old story about myself.  For years I've been carry it around, the weight of it a constant reminder of my own personal failure.  It defined my relationship with money in a way that was disruptive and extremely debilitating.  I lived in a lack mentality that was counter intuitive to who I am.

In my twenties and thirties success came easy. I'm not bragging, but just stating a truth. I didn't think about money- it just flowed to me naturally and I took it as my due.  Then I made some poor choices, although at the time I didn't realize the impact the choices would have on me.

I was married and we had different money values.  The constant arguing over the budget finally took its toll, and I handed over the check book.   Washed my hands of our joint finances because the emotional drain was catching up to me.  This was my first mistake!  I let someone else control and make decisions related to my financial abundance- I basically told the Universe I didn't care if or how I was supported. This choice came back to bite me.

It led to the biggest financial mess of my life.  Within 5 years, I was filing bankruptcy.  All our joint marital debt was in my name, since I originally applied for and managed our credit cards, loans, etc.  The debt was not my creation, but my ignorance made it my responsibility.

I shouldered this burden alone.  My now ex-husband was embarrassed.  I remember the phone calls from creditors, the hearing before the judge (I went by myself), and the selling of my jewelry so my girls could go to camp.  My self esteem was in the toilet and all I could think about is how I let this happened.  I was scared and very much alone.

I've carried those negative feelings, that lack of worth with me for over a decade.  Shutting myself off from abundance because I felt that I wasn't worthy of it.  That I couldn't take of what I received, and I've struggled. 

The past year has been a spiritual journey for me.  I've read a number of books and established new money practices, but still the struggle persisted.  I've always survived, but I wanted to thrive.  I wanted to feel secure and trust that I'm loved- that the Universe will provide for all my wants and needs.

Finally, I decided to get over myself.  I'd punished myself for too long and my situation wasn't serving anyone.  How can I step into the glory of my service, if my feet are encased in doubt? So I took a few steps:

1. I recognized that I'm NOT my bankruptcy story.  I did this by making a list of all the times when abundance flowed easily to me.  It was a reminder, a cheat sheet, that the bankruptcy was an abnormality. My natural state is abundance.  Now when I feel my lack story trying to get back in through the door, I use my list to shut that door!
2. I forgave myself and recognized that I did the best I could at the time.  I wrote the Kirstin of 2008 a letter telling her how proud I was of her for making the sacrifice for the well being of her family.  How much I've grown since that time and that I no longer need her to "keep me safe" by keeping me in a state of lack, keeping me small.  Today her strength lives within me.  The lessons from that time have been learned. The mistakes won't be repeated.
3. I released my story, the old wound.  The letter was burned in my trusty stainless steel sink.  I love burning stuff- it's the ultimate way for me to release thinks to the Universe.  It send the message that I'm done with the situation and God can now take over.

My miracle happened two weeks later.  I was checking my back accounts (a daily practice) and had a notification that my FICO score had changes.  I clicked the link and instantly began to blubber.  My score had jump 70+ points!  My bankruptcy had been removed from my history.  I then eliminated all the paperwork (burn baby, burn) and all records from my computer.  The relief and joy streamed down my face, as tears.

Any old would can be healed with attention and intention.  We just need to be ready and open.  You can use the steps above: recognize your truth, forgive and keep the lesson, and release the outcome to the Universe.  Then feel the relief as your spiritual shift happens and remember to always say "thank you."

I would love to hear your results from using this practice!  Share this post with a friend who is struggling with money or any form of self sabotage.  When we're finally clear of these old blocks, we step into our authentic selves.  From this place of power and love, we move the world toward love.

Originally Published 04-25-2018