Avoid the Comparison Trap
I’m guilty.
I’m betting you are too.
Even though I know it’s not good for me, I still find myself sucked in to comparing my life with everyone around me. Whether it’s family, friends or even Oprah (yea- I kind of want to be her), I fall into the trap.
Comparisons aren’t healthy. In many cases, we’re using false information as the base. We see the positive and amazing on social media, but rarely the negative or heart break. Our society’s fixated on success and happiness- people tend to sugar coat their lives and show a false, or exaggerated reality to the world.
We see our neighbor’s new car, but not the high amount of debt they’re carrying that drains them emotionally. We see our super skinny friend but may not realize the extent she goes to keep thin, sacrificing her health with an eating disorder. We see all the positives because that’s what is shown. Like Dorothy we see what the great and powerful Oz wants us to see, not what’s behind the curtain- a normal personal with both gifts and flaws.
The worst part about making comparisons is we don’t always end up on the winning side. In fact, we end up eroding our sense of self. We feel less than others. Our self esteem takes a major hit.
Truth is we’re all flawed. It’s easier to see this in ourselves, because we tend be hyper-critical of our own person. It’s harder to see and accept that it’s true of everyone.
It’s important that we show ourselves self compassion. Accept who we are for who we are.
Self compassion allows for acknowledgement that we’re doing the best we can in the moment. It’s treating ourselves in the same loving way we’d treat a beloved friend. Accepting all the parts of ourselves. It’s different from self confidence which is tied to accomplishments, it’s a gentler way to grow your self worth.
How can we avoid the comparison trap and nurture our self compassion?
Limit your social media. This is hard, because many of us use social media as an escape or a way to pass time. I limit myself to 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes in evening. If something earth shattering happens outside this time frame, believe me I’ll know. I now use my extra time to do something I love such as walking my dog or being in my garden. The less I’m exposed to opportunity to compare, the better.
Be in the moment. Instead of falling into future tripping, I focus on what’s happening right now. I strive not to think “If I was like…then I’d be successful or happy or…” The present’s the only place where I have influence. I get to chose now what’s impacting me, by how I respond to my world. All the “if’s” about the future are just that…if’s.
Practice loving kindness. Grant yourself grace. You have gifts to share with the world that are uniquely yours. We all have parts of ourselves we wish were different. Release the judgement and accept that they are a part of you. When you hear the critical voice in your head, simply say “Thanks, I hear you and I’m doing the best I can right now.”
Focus on gratitude. Appreciating what’s working well and going right in your life is a sure fire way to stop comparison in it’s tracts. Our thoughts create our world. Instead of focusing on what is lacking, gratitude shifts our thoughts towards abundance. Taking a few minutes to reflect on three things we’re grateful for can change the pattern of our thinking. We recognize the good in our world and realize that we are supported and care for in unexpected ways.
The next time you fall into the comparison trap, take a moment to breathe. Awareness of your thoughts is the first step to breaking the cycle. Simply acknowledge that you’re comparing yourself to a faulty ideal and choose again. Embrace self compassion because it’ll bring acceptance of who you are authentically.
Originally Published 06-26-2018