In all the bustle of life, it’s easy to get lost. Everyday is filled with tasks on the to do list, demands from our jobs, and this sense that if we don’t accomplish it all- we’re behind.

It’s time to stop the madness. A rundown, depleted you is worthless. Focusing time and energy on everyone and everything else isn’t the answer to a happy and fulfilling life. Just the opposite. It leads to resentments and a sense of losing yourself.

I’m guilty of placing myself on the bottom of the list- daily. For months I tried to figure out why I felt so dissatisfied. I would cross all the tasks off my list, embark on new projects, and focus on being grateful for the life I was living.

Something just felt off.

It was me. I felt disconnected and a bit empty. I’m pretty good at self-diagnosing, but I was a stumped.

Then I took a good look at my life. Where I was spending my money, the types of activities I chose to do, and finally, I realized that my needs and wants were so far down the list- they would never see the light of day!

It’s not easy for me to put myself first. I was raised that we always put others first. This was ingrained into me by my mom. I love her to pieces, but she always sacrificed her own needs for those around her. I remember when I was in high school and we had several my friends over for dinner. Mom made two fabulous lasagnas (always had food in the house, which was why my friends hung out all the time!) One of the lasagnas was burnt in a corner. My mom served everyone the good pieces, except for her and me. Yep- I got the burnt crusty bits.

The lesson I absorbed was to always put other people first, and settle for the left overs.

Here’s the piece that’s missing. You can only act in a selfless manner, if you’ve taken care of you first. Sounds selfish? It’s not. Only when you’re strong and valued, can you lend those two qualities to others. You can’t and shouldn’t give away things you don’t have.

As I move towards making myself a greater priority I’ve discovered seven pieces to puzzle. I strive each day to do all of these. Some days I fly high and nail them all. Other days, I struggle to do one and need to give myself grace.

7 ways to make yourself a priority

1. Honor your feelings. No shoving under the rug your anger, envy, or frustration. These feelings are just as important as joy, happiness, peace and contentment. Feel what you feel. By acknowledging your feelings, you release them quicker. If you need to speak up and tell someone your Truth, then do so in a way that doesn’t include blame or shame. Saying “this is how I feel” is a good place to start.

2. Set time aside to connect with you. Take a minimum of 10 minutes to just breathe. Sit on your porch and listen to the wind, take a walk with your dog, or meditate for a few quiet moments. We can get lost in all the deadline and chaos, by taking a few minutes to just be, we can get grounded and find our strength.

3. Give yourself permission to let go. This is a tough one. It’s okay to admit that you’re not a super hero. You don’t need to be all things to all people. Prioritize what has meaning for you and do that. Everything else simply let go. The world won’t end. If you can’t let go completely, then ask for help.

Give someone the opportunity to feel good. When we ask for help, we give a gift. We allow others to say- hey you’re important to me and yes- I want to help you.

4. Do something that makes you smile. Release some happy hormones into your system and you’ll instantly feel better. Watch your children play. Engage in a hobby. Breathe in that perfect cup of tea. Whatever lights you up- do more!

5. Nourish you body, mind and spirit. Indulge in an activity that brings you a sense of bliss. In could be a warm soak in the tub or a long hike in the woods. Engage all parts of you. Choose activities the soothe your soul or engage your mind. If being with others gives you a lift- ask a friend to try a new restaurant. Simply acknowledge your own needs.

6. Don’t settle. You’re worth two-ply bath tissue. That’s a flippant statement, but it’s the truth. If you catch yourself giving your children the best and you end up at Goodwill, it’s time to examine why you feel compelled to put yourself last. I’m not endorsing overindulgence or living beyond your means. However, treat yourself to the larger latte, those nice pens you like to write with, or the brand name cookies.

7. Make your own choices. This may seem obvious, but every day we make choices based on other people’s needs, values, desires, etc. When this happens, we’re giving away our power and we feel ripped off. Don’t think you’re unworthy of making the choices that are best for you. Lean into your values and make choices from there- you’ll always have your best interest at the forefront.

I’d love to here what you did today to make yourself a priority, feel free to comment.

P.S. If you have a friend who struggles to make herself a priority share this blog with her! Together we can build a strong community or warrior women.