I’m superwoman.

I’m strong. Independent.

In the words of every two year old, “Do it myself.”

I don’t need anyone to help me- I got this.

These thoughts are my Achilles heel.  My greatest weakness and my personal downfall.

For years, (okay- if I’m honest decades) I’ve prided myself on being independent.  Taking on each task with the stoic determination of my Scandinavian ancestors.  I felt if I did everything on my own, I’d feel strong and accomplished.  Instead, I felt alone, crabby, and a bit taken advantage of.

This fierce independent streak was mixed up.  The more I tried to go it alone, the more I flailed around.  I felt myself grasping and missing, trying to find my way and wanting simultaneously to have somebody else “fix it” while berating myself for the very thought. I ended up stuck, with a side of self pity thrown in for good measure.

For a person who values connection and relationships, I was missing the BIG picture.  Independence is a good quality, but when it leans towards isolation, that’s when things get messy.  I need people in my life and by being wed to my idea of independence (remember the two year old?) I was cutting myself off from embracing the connections I craved.

I needed to learn how to accept help.  With grace and without self judgement.

This change in thinking isn’t easy, especially when asking for help is viewed as a sign of softness. 

So how do you shift your thoughts, so that accepting help is a sign of strength?

Tap into the feeling of giving help, first.

Ever notice when you help someone, you feel strong- like a superhero?  There’s a bounce in your step that says, “hey, I did a good thing today.” This feeling of lightness stays all day.  Remember a time when you were so jazzed up because you helped someone?

It’s frigging amazing, maybe even better than dark chocolate.

Don’t you want to give this feeling to others?

Yes?  Than let them help you!

By letting others help, you give them this fabulous gift.  They feel great and you created that warm fuzzy by saying yes to their help.  Everybody wins!

Accepting help tells others that you care.

This may seem a bit backwards.  But when you accept help, you’re acknowledging the helper.  It’s a gift they’re giving to you and by not accepting, you’re shoving that gift right back into their face.  Don’t be a grinch- be gracious, accept the gift in the spirit it’s being given.

You are being valued. 

Some one thinks you’re worthy of receiving.

Say “Thank You” and acknowledge you own worth.

Does asking for help makes you feel a bit itchy and uncomfortable?

It’s all about being a better receiver. 

If you can’t accept help, it may be difficult to receive other types of gifts such as wealth or love.  Perhaps the word help feels too squishy or unsettling- try using the words: support, caring, boost, or encouragement.

Start small.

Respond positively when someone opens a door for you, carries in the groceries, gets the mail, or shovels your walk. 
If someone asks if they can help- say yes- even if you don’t feel you need it.  It’s good practice and you’ll make them feel fantastic.

When the thought pops into your head that you may need help, ask for it.  Don’t ignore this little voice, it’s your intuition and it’s telling you it’s okay to be a receiver.  If you’re always a giver, you’ll be out of balance and those feelings of being depleted and taken advantage of will creep in.
 
Life is about being both a giver and a receiver. 

If you’re always on the giving side, you’ll continually feel put upon, down on others, and at times resentful.  Accepting help is a way to bring balance to this equation. 

You can still be independent, making the best choices for you and living life according to your values. 

The danger is when independence gets mixed up with isolation.  Going it alone is…lonely and unfulfilling.  Deepen your connection to others by opening yourself up to receiving their gift of help and allowing them to show how much you’re valued.

P.S.  Independence gone rogue is not a good thing...ever.  If you have a friend who struggles with receiving help, share this blog with her.  Help her shut down that inner two year old give the gift of help ;)